Smattering of One-Liners

TO make Henny Youngman proud:

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to
arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.

So I said “Do you want a game of Darts?”, he said “OK then”, I said
“Nearest to bull starts”. He said “Baa”, I said “Moo”, he said “You’re
closest”.

So I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?”.
He said “How flexible are you?”. I said “I can’t make Tuesdays”.

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there
was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.”

The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan”.

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a
picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins. If you’ve
seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”