Oh My

Not Joe Pasci, Mike Strutter

Arthur Itis

A drunk, smelling heavily of beer sat down on a train next to a Priest. He opened his newspaper
and began reading. After a few minutes he turned to the priest, “Say, Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replied, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap women and too much alcohol.”

The priest then apologised, saying, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”

The drunk answered, “I don’t, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

Wierd Al and Fed-Ex

It’s Starting to Sound a Lot Like Xmas

Chopper’s Here With Weather

If you’ve seen the movie Chopper featuring Eric Bana in the titular role (which is the film which brought him to the attention of Hollywood), then you might recall the film is based on the life of a hardcore criminal turned bestselling author.

That’s all you need to know:

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car around the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife.

I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks,
Dave

The Latest From Iraq

“The long anticipated Iraq Study Group report was delivered to President Bush this week. He promised to take it just as seriously as all the other Iraq reports stuffed down between his desk and the wall.”
-Amy Poehler

“President Bush has received a copy of the 96-page Iraq Study Group report. When they gave it to him, President Bush said, ‘Don’t tell me how it ends.’ They said, ‘Uh, it doesn’t.’”
-Jay Leno

“The Iraq Study Group report was released as a book yesterday. Today it is number two on Amazon’s best-seller list. Publishing insiders are already calling it the ‘Tuesdays with Morrie of bipartisan finding commissions.’”
-Conan O’Brien

“It is in book form and entitled, The Way Forward–A New Approach, a stark contrast from the book Bush had been operating from: Deeper and Deeper Into the Hole That I Myself Have Dug.”
-Jon Stewart

This Woman Has a Big Beaver

Straight Outa Baghdad

Now that the only man that can tame Iraq has been convicted to death (Saddam), and his male heirs, Uday & Qusay, have been eliminated, the lesser-known children of Saddam Hussein are coming to the attention of American authorities as a last-ditch effort to try squelch civil war.

Saddam had many wives, and thus had many sons:

Sooflay ……….the restaurateur
Guday… the half-Australian brother
Huray……. the sports fanatic
Sashay………….. the gay decorator
Kuntay & Kintay….the twins from the African mother
Sayhay….the baseball player
Ojay…… the stalker/murderer
Gulay……the singer/entertainer
Ebay…….. the antiques collector
Biliray…… the country music singer
Ecksray……. the radiologist
Puray….. the blender factory owner
Regay……the half-Jamaican brother
Tupay……… the one with bad hair

Among their sisters:
Lattay…….. the coffee shop owner
Bufay………. the 500 pound sister
Phayray……… the zoo worker in the gorilla house
Sapheway..the grocery store owner
Ollay…….. the half-mexican sister
Gudlay……….. the prostitute

And Finally:
There is Oyvay …… the one the family never talks about….