Archive for January, 2007
Who’s paying for all of this?
Who’s working anyway?
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired…
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 40 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with a quagmire.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are, sitting on your a$$, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
Add comment January 30, 2007
Troublemaker
An Absolute “MUST” have for those that travel…
The next time you find yourself on public transport or an aircraft, sitting next to someone who cannot resist chattering to you endlessly, I urge you to quietly pull your laptop out, carefully open the screen (ensuring the irritating person next to you can see it), and hit this link.
Add comment January 28, 2007
Dear Tech Support
*Dear Tech Support,*
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
*Signed, Desperate*
———— ——— ———
*Dear Desperate:*
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT- YOU-LOVED- ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
*Good Luck,**
Tech Support*
Add comment January 28, 2007
New Math
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of.
Finally in a last dash effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn’t kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room and start studying. Books and papers are spread out all over the room and little Tommy is hard at work.
His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner and she was shocked, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before.
This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says, Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?
Little Tommy looks at her and shakes his head.
Well, then, she replies, was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? What was it?
Little Tommy looks at her and says, Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.
Add comment January 19, 2007
