Archive for March, 2007
I Seen it Happen
A very loud, fat, onboxious, red-faced woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The door greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you’ve got there. Are they twins?”
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl, “Hell No!! The oldest, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins?….. Do you think they look alike, dickead?”
“Absolutely not,” replies the greeter. “I just can’t believe anyone would want to fuck you twice!”
Add comment March 14, 2007
Great Moments in History
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,
“We missed the ” R ” ! , we missed the ” R ” !”
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, “The word was… CELEBRATE !!!”
Add comment March 6, 2007
