It’s a Grand Old Party

How many members of the Republican Party does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: TEN…

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed,

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb,

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner “Bulb Accomplished”,

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally “in the dark” the whole time,

8. One to viciously smear #7,

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how John McCain has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never
actually managed to change the light bulb.

Baked Alaska

Wanker

Bad mutha (shut yo mouf)

Advertising slogans through the ages

Carnation Milk is best of all,
No tits to pull no hay to haul,
No buckets to wash no shit to pitch
Just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch.

–

Has the bottom fallen out of your world? Take Metamuciland watch the world fall out of your bottom!

–

Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

–

Mary had a little watch
She swallowed it one day
And now she’s taking Metamucil pills
To pass the time away.

The Metamucil Pills refused to work,
The time refused to pass,
Now if you want to know the time
You look up Mary’s uncle (he’s got a watch).

Thank you, Miss America.

[Hat tip]

A classic

Thee Spectacular Sticky-Note Experiment

Scary story

Late last Saturday night, a young manwas walking home from the bus stop.

It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing.

Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only

Broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a garbage can.

Suddenly he heard a strange noise ..

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

Startled, he turned around. To his amazement, through the driving rain

he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

BUMP……..

He froze to the spot. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

Listen up you clueless bailout biatches