Posts filed under 'Animalistic'
Dogs and women
Why dogs are better than women:
Dogs like it when you leave the seat up
Dogs always let you have the remote
Dogs don’t mind when you fart
Dogs never mean “Let’s go shopping”, when they ask to go out
Dogs don’t make you throw out your old sweatshirt
Dogs don’t complain when you leave your clothes on the floor
Dogs don’t mind when you drop food on the oriental rug
Dogs can be trained to get a beer without complaining “Snoop womany woman” sounds stupid
Dogs like it when your buddies come over to watch football
Dogs don’t care if you watch 2 hockey games at once
Dogs don’t mind when you have another dog or 2 sharing the same bed
Dogs don’t retain water
Dogs don’t require you to go to the store for special cravings
Dogs will kiss you even if you’ve ignored them for a while
Dogs don’t slap you when you say “Fetch”
Dogs like it when you rub them in public
Bitch is a term of endearment for female dogs
Dogs don’t require nearly as much primping to go out
Why women are better than dogs:
Women moan when you rub the right spot, dogs just knock stuff off the coffee table
Women don’t have cold noses
“Doggy Style” is a lot more fun with a woman
Women don’t urinate on the floor from excitement when you get home
Women smell nice when they’re wet
Women, wow, I don’t think about dogs that way
Funny, but both women and dogs give you that quizzical look when you start talking……….
1 comment October 24, 2009
CL ad du jour
best of craigslist > santa barbara >
Satanic Sexual Ritual
Date: 2009-06-18, 5:13PM PDTLooking for a woman with evil appetites.
We will have nasty, evil, sweaty, probably illegal sexual encounters in order to bring about the rise of Lucifer. (ie Satan)
Must be willing to do all styles of sexual positions, except Missionary. That is the Lord’s Way, and we will have none of that. Besides, if we do it Missionary, Satan gets angry and a kitten dies. I like kittens.
Must be into anal. For that is Satan’s Alley.
Must like blow jobs (Swallowing Lucifer’s Gravy) and Hand Jobs (Milking the Evil Goat)
Must be into slight S&M (Safe word: Pink Sock)
Must be into erotic and evil costumes and lingerie. Leather Thongs, spikes, boots, black and evil bras that accentuate your bosom, Boba Fett costumes.
Must be willing to deep throat. (So that my satanic appendage will be closer to your black soul)
Must be into strap-ons so that I may feel the “Power of Beezlebub” coursing thru my lower intestines.
The perfect encounter will be this:
Meeting you at one of our local eatery’s. Plying you with ample alcoholic libations. Enjoying a nice piece of animal flesh. Tipping the waiter only 10% instead of 15 to 20% (Because we are EVIL!) Taking you back to my lair. Removing your Gothic Garb, laying you roughly upon my “Sacrifice Altar” (Twin size futon), and promptly begin to nibble on your Satanic Slit. (Please shave before the ritual, as it’s hard to be evil when you got pubes stuck in your fillings).
Whence you are all moist with the Power of The Dark Lord’s Juices, I will remove my cape and trousers and proceed to fill you with the Sceptre of His Infernal Majesty. You will writhe in pleasure so deep, it will call forth the Evil One himself!
After 4 to 7 minutes of the most intense sexual experience of your God Fearing life, we will perform a Satanic Snuggle, until you gently fall asleep in my powerful arms.
If this taps into the Primordial Jelly you have buried deep down in your Dark Soul, then contact me and we will make beautiful, agonizing “love” together. We will combine our desires and perform rituals so evil, it will awaken the Evil Ancient One from His Firey Nap! He will spill forth from the Bowels of Hell like so much premature Satanic Ejaculate!!
PostingID: 1228602341
Add comment October 23, 2009
