Posts filed under 'Seasonal'
Jeff Foxworthy has something to say about Canadians:
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
September through May,
You may live in Canada.
If someone in a Home Depot store
Offers you assistance and they don’t work there,
You may live in Canada.
If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
You may live in Canada.
If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation
With someone who dialed a wrong number,
You may live in Canada.
If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere
South of Detroit for the weekend,
You may live in Canada.
If you measure distance in hours,
You may live in Canada.
If you know several people
Who have hit a deer more than once,
You may live in Canada.
If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’
In the same day and back again,
You may live in Canada.
If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow
During a raging blizzard without flinching,
You may live in Canada.
If you install security lights on your house and garage,
But leave both unlocked,
You may live in Canada.
If you carry jumper cables in your car
And your wife knows how to use them,
You may live in Canada.
If you design your kid’s Halloween costume
To fit over a snowsuit,
You may live in Canada.
If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km –
You’re going 95 and everybody is passing you,
You may live in Canada.
If driving is better in the winter
Because the potholes are filled with snow,
You may live in Canada.
If you know all 4 seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter,
and road construction,
You may live in Canada.
If you have more miles
On your snow blower than your car,
You may live in Canada.
If you find -5 degrees ‘a little chilly’,
You may live in Canada.
If you actually understand these jokes,
and forward them to all
your friends,
you definitely are Canadian and proud to be.
Add comment October 26, 2009
Almost as Good as a Joke
Welcome to the wonderful world of internet scams.
The above link will take you to a run down of the top ten, and yes, before you ask, the Nigerian 419, a perrenial favorite, again made the list.
This top ten is a close relative of the Darwin awards, and as you’d expect, a higher proportion of religious types continue fall, hard.
Yes I was smiling while I wrote that last sentence, what of it?
Add comment December 12, 2006
Letters to Santa
deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
Add comment December 7, 2006
Santa’s Bad Day
Santa’s Bad Day
One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to put it?”
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Add comment December 6, 2006
