Posts filed under 'Uncategorized'
This is what you want, this is what you get
Add comment October 27, 2009
Nevermind the bullocks
A cowboy named Mark was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Mark looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany . Within seconds, he receives an email on his iPhone that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his iPhone and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Mark.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Mark says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Mark.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter you are than I am; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ….
Now give me back my dog.
Add comment September 17, 2009
Freestyle Spam
From Your Debt Relief Consultant – Don’t be affected by the recession – Get out of debt now
Save up to 20% on Flea & Tick Pet Medication!
Drop pounds with Acai Advanced Cleanse & Weight Loss Aids
Find Love
Free HBO/Starz + HD DVR + 4 room install + $50 Credit
Get 3 months free HBO/Starz, free Equipment, install & HD DVR
Flirt with Sexy singles
Sell or Rent your Timeshare for CASH!
Weekend Bonus: 5 Stocks To Beat The Summertime Blues
Entry Level Jobs with High Salary Potential
Your tremendous penis will always be on her mind
You can’t reject buying cheap classy watches
Add comment July 13, 2009
Finding the perfect fit
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned … couldn’t concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it … so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it … mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler shop, but the work was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef, figured it would add spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.
Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory, I tried but I just didn’t fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a job working for a swimming pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.
So then I got a job in a gymnasium, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.
After years of trying to find work, I finally got a job as an historian, until I realised there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks Coffee, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
SO I RETIRED, AND I FOUND I AM A PERFECT FIT FOR THE JOB!
Add comment July 10, 2009
