Archive for May, 2009

Three Black Men

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white,  patriarchal society.

‘In fact,’ he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.’

After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’

‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?’ asked the couple.

‘Because I’m the guy who painted it,’ he replied.

‘In fact, there are no black men depicted at all! They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.’

Advertisements

May 30, 2009 at 5:36 am Leave a comment

Dealing with spammers (home edition)

Revenge is a dish best served cold… in five easy steps.

  1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
  2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
  3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope.
  4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand.
  5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling.I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather than my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with “It says Business Reply Mail” I’m suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.

    Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

    Source


“The visceral experience of failure seems to have been edited out of the career trajectories of Americans.” -Matthew B. Crawford

May 29, 2009 at 7:28 am Leave a comment

Equal opportunity offender

Introducing Marcus Brigstocke:

May 28, 2009 at 2:31 pm Leave a comment

The deaf book-keeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is.”

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is. The bookkeeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The attorney tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple and says, “Ask him again!”

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him!”

The bookkeeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”

The Godfather asks the attorney: “Well, what’d he say?”

The attorney replies: “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

May 28, 2009 at 9:54 am Leave a comment

Indescribably delicious

May 28, 2009 at 4:19 am Leave a comment

39-hour Cialis

May 28, 2009 at 1:40 am Leave a comment

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King’s chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that the saliva of Nick would work for the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts.

The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’t have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the itching powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story : You should always pay your bills.

May 27, 2009 at 6:03 pm Leave a comment

Older Posts


Calendar

May 2009
M T W T F S S
« Apr   Jun »
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Posts by Month

Posts by Category