Enforced Retirement

The US Navy had too many officers and was ordered to downsize, at first on a volunteer basis. It was decided they might meet the mandated cut by offering an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000…

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzled old Chief Petty Officer who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, “From the tip of my penis to the back of my balls.”

It was suggested by the pension officer that Chief might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But old Chief insisted, and they decided to go along with him providing the measure was taken by the medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed Chief to “drop ’em,” which he did.

The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief’s penis and began to work back. “Uh, Chief, WTF?”‘ he suddenly exclaimed, “Where are your testicles?”

Old Chief calmly replied, “The Persian Gulf.”

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