Archive for February, 2012

Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy’s Ghost

Ted Kennedy’s crying ghost disrupts Congress.

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February 28, 2012 at 8:31 am Leave a comment

Modern romance

My girlfriend asked, “Why don’t you ever play golf with your old friend Malcolm any more?”
I replied, “Would you play golf with somebody who cheats and never buys a drink at the 19th hole?”
“No.”
“Neither would Malcolm.”

February 27, 2012 at 8:21 am Leave a comment

Air bud

A man had just settled into his seat on a plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

He looked quizzically at the dog and asked why it was allowed on the plane.

The man explained that he was a Customs Officer and that the dog was a ‘sniffer dog.’

“His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.”

The plane took off , and once it has leveled out, the Customs man said, “Watch this.”

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the Customs man’s arm.

The Customs man turned to the man and said, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, I’m making a note of her seat number and the Customs will apprehend her when we land.”

“Gee, that’s pretty good.” replied the first man.

Once again, the Customs man sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s arm.

The Customs man said, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the Customs.”

“I like it!” said his seat mate.

The Customs man then told Sniffer to “Search” again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to crap all over it.

The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Customs man, “What’s going on?”

The Customs man replied, “He’s just found a bomb.”

February 26, 2012 at 8:17 am Leave a comment

Leaf From “Tree Of Life” Frontrunner For Best Actor Oscar

Entertainment insiders say this might be the year Hollywood’s favorite leaf, which has appeared in more than 60 films, finally takes home the Academy Award.

February 25, 2012 at 5:13 pm Leave a comment

Boy Loses Leg In Totally Awesome Shark Attack

Jim and Tracy talk to an 11-year-old who had his leg gnawed off by a cool-as-hell shark.

February 24, 2012 at 5:04 pm Leave a comment

Do you like boobs a lot?

(“Boobs A Lot,” by The Holy Modal Rounders, from their album “Good Taste Is Timeless” (1971))

 

February 22, 2012 at 6:59 pm Leave a comment

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout

February 22, 2012 at 6:57 pm Leave a comment

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