Archive for March, 2012

Purity Of War Marred By One Bad Apple In Afghanistan

A study finds that newborn infants can tell if their parents are losers, all 6.5 million residents of Indiana join together to form a collective consciousness, and Ray Ban is unsure the public can pull off its 2012 series of sunglasses. It’s the week of March 19th, 2012.


March 27, 2012 at 3:09 pm Leave a comment

Just Snoozin’

March 27, 2012 at 12:49 am Leave a comment

Google Shuts Down Gmail For Two Hours To Show Its Immense Power

Socially inclusive hiphop group the Black Eyed Peas have added the wheelchair-bound rapper TruWheel to their line-up, plus more stories in the NewsBlitz.

March 26, 2012 at 3:35 pm Leave a comment

Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary

Onion News Network political analyst Jason Copeland explains Montana’s unique primary process, in which the state’s delegates are awarded to the winner of a no-holds-barred street fight.

An anagram of Rick Santorum is “I Rank Scrotum.”


March 24, 2012 at 3:48 pm Leave a comment

Sale Of BET To White Supremacist Group Results In No Changes To Programming

An alien world agrees to help Syria since this world refuses to, the sale of BET to a white supremacist group results in no changes to programming, and a little turtle gorges an entire raspberry. It’s the week of March 12th, 2012.

March 22, 2012 at 7:47 am Leave a comment

Could The Use Of Flying Death Robots Be Hurting America’s Reputation Worldwide?

The First Responders debate the U.S. military’s use of drone planes to rain fiery death upon Afghanistan from above.

March 21, 2012 at 7:34 am Leave a comment

Jack Sparrow (feat. Michael Bolton)

March 20, 2012 at 7:51 am Leave a comment

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