Posts filed under ‘Genderic’
A most extraordinarily handsome man decided the responsibility to marry the perfect woman with the aim of producing beautiful children was his responsibility to all humankind.
So he set about on a mission, searching for the woman of perfection.
One day his car unexpectedly had a breakdown. He walked up the dirt road and came upon a farm house. He met the farmer who happened to have three of the most strikingly beautiful women he had ever laid his eyes upon.
After spending just a few minutes to get acquainted the handsome man explained his mission to the farmer. The farmer nodded and seemed to understand this man’s mission was to the benefit of all humankind. The handsome man asked whether it would be possible that he could marry one of the farmer’s daughters.
The farmer simply replied, “Well, they’re lookin’ to get married, that’s fer sure. So you’re in the right place. Look ’em over, pick the one you want.”
So that very might the handsome man dated a farmer’s daughter.
The next day the farmer asked the man’s opinion.
“Well,” said the man, “she’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice… pigeon-toed.”
The farmer was aware of this very slight imperfection. The farmer suggested the man date one of the other daughters.
And so the man did.
The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
“Well,” the man replied, “she’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell… cross-eyed.”
The farmer nodded his understanding, and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better.
And so he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfection. She’s the one I must marry.”
So they were wed right away. Months later a baby was born.
When the handsome man visited the nursery he set his eyes upon his child for the very first time he was horrified. The baby was the ugliest, most pathetic facsimile of a human that could be imagined.
He rushed to the waiting room where his in-laws were, asking aloud of one and all how such a thing could happen, considering the natural beauty of the baby’s parents.
“Well,” explained the farmer, “She was just a weeeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell… pregnant when you met her.”
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
…Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
…Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
…Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
…Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
…Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
…Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
…Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
…Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
…Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I really miss him!”
“But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good, that’s great, an so am I my love,” said the new husband, “but, just out of curiosity, why?”
“Because you are a lawyer.”