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A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.
The doctor checks him over and says, ‘Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.
It’s called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually
only have 24 hours to live.
There’s no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious
moments on earth.’
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he’s never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins $35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320.
Then he gets the full house and wins $1000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting $380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, “Son, I’ve been here 20 years and I’ve never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!”
“Lucky?” he screamed. “Lucky? I’ll have you know I’ve got Yellow 24.”
“Bloody ‘ell,” says the bingo caller. “You’ve won the raffle as well!!”
A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up four cans and took them to the check out counter.
The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are
buying the cat food for your cat.”
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food. The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog.” So she went home and brought in her dog.
She then was able to buy the dog food.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.”
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and quickly pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, “That smells like s**t.”
The little old lady said, “It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper, please.”