Posts filed under ‘I’m in heaven’
A man was sent to Hell for his sins.
As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman.
“What a crummy deal!” The man complained. “I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman.”
An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”
There was this small church that had a very big-busted Organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another Organist.
So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green Persimmons, though, “because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won’t be able to talk properly for a while.”
She agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said…
“Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, We will not hath a thermon tewday.”
And the second penguin said, “What makes you think I’m not?”
I have a recipe for making holy water. Fill the kettle with tap water and boil the hell out of it.
The History Channel… where History repeats itself.
A keyring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
He walks into what appears to be a church. There’s a nun sitting by a table near the door. She immediately intuits what it is he’s looking for and says, “put $5 in this tin cup and walk through that door.”
The sailor does so, and enters a small room, where there’s another nun sitting by another door. , also at a table and with a cup. “$10,” she says, and he go through the next door.
The sailor is now in a third room, where a third nun with a table and cup asks for $15, and again tells him go through a door.
The horny sailor coughs up the dough, and walks through the fourth door. It slams and locks behind him. He looks around and realizes he is in an alley, and as he is facing a brick wall he reads a large sign: “You have just been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy”.